Pasa de media noche cuando cabeceas. Caes en cuenta de que ya has visto más de quince videos de gente que deja pequeños objetos en los rieles del tren para que los aplasten las ruedas. Sabes que has llegado demasiado lejos, caído demasiado bajo, has entrado en ese ciclo en el que surfeas de contenido en contenido sin nunca sentir satisfacción ni completo aburrimiento. Además, durante los breves instantes del cabeceo tuviste alguna especie de sueño ¿o alucinación? Tu cuerpo se sentía cubierto de pelaje húmedo. Haces un esfuerzo y cierras la lap top, te pones la pijama y apagas la luz. Antes de volver a la cama te cercioras de que el seguro de la puerta esté puesto, no es que nadie fuera a entrar a tu habitación - tal vez tu hermana para despertarte por la mañana y convencerte de ir a desayunar gorditas - pero adquiriste la costumbre cuando vivías en los EUA y la aparición de un asesino serial parecía algo cercano. O el gato, piensas. Que cada madrugada rasca tu puerta y maúlla, maúlla tan fuerte que a veces parece que traspasó la puerta.
Vas a la cama, pero después de una hora, no logras dormir. Los mosquitos. Pero si te tapas hasta la cabeza para evitarlos, te da mucho calor. Si sacas un pie por debajo de la cobija, mejora un poco, pero después los mosquitos de nuevo. Tras las vigésima vuelta en la cama, se escucha un maullido lejano, ¿vendrá temprano el gato? Y se te mete a la cabeza la idea de salir por la ventana y dormir en la azotea, podrías traer tus cobijas, taparte por completo y el fresco de la noche compensaría el calor de estar completamente bajo la cobija. ¿Qué más da? Hola azotea.
Fue buena idea, logras dormir de inmediato. El sueño es bueno hasta unos minutos antes del amanecer, cuando se suelta una buena lluvia de temporada: sin avisar y como si vaciaran el mar sobre la ciudad.Te pones en pie cubriéndote con la cobija como si no estuvieras ya chorreando y caminas hacia la ventana de tu habitación. El trecho es corto, pero la cobija se hace más y más pesada, hasta que te impide caminar, piensas que es absurdo y la dejas caer, pero en ese momento resbalas.
Abres los ojos de nuevo y tu cuerpo yace de costado a unos centímetros del borde de la azotea, la cabeza te duele mucho, debiste golpear duro al caer. Te levantas a cuatro patas y así gateas hasta la ventana. Está cerrada. No es que la haya cerrado el viento y baste con que jales el borde con la punta de los dedos. Está cerrada, cerrada. Alguien le puso el pasador por dentro. Rascas el vidrio con tus patas delanteras y maúllas de un modo que más bien recuerda a una corneta desafinada, es un maullido de principiante.
Al interior de la habitación un cuerpo se agita en la cama, eres tú. Miras tu propio cuerpo asomar la cabeza por debajo de la cobija y mirar hacia la ventana con un par de ojos felinos que ignoran el chaparrón que moja el pelaje que cubre tu cuerpo, que ignoran tus maullidos que mejoran poco a poco con el uso, que ignoran que dejaste la puerta con seguro para que nadie entrara y que ignoran que esa es tu cama. Tras mirarte sin demasiado interés, los ojos felinos se cierran y continúan durmiendo. Brincas hasta el árbol y bajas por el tronco para refugiarte en la cochera.
Sabes que cuando amanezca, alguien saldrá a poner tu comida en un plato junto al del perro y tú irás a comerla. Unas horas después, tu hermana saldrá a desayunar gorditas, la verás pasar acompañada de ese cuerpo que solía ser tuyo y que ahora tiene ojos de gato. Pero no te importará, porque ya no entenderás de razones de humanos. Sólo maullarás y mirarás al perro con tedio.
jueves, 5 de septiembre de 2019
viernes, 12 de julio de 2019
I'd never stay here and I'd much rather not leaving
Just don't ask why I'll start this list in this particular way. I guess you would've liked something more grandiloquent (¿you like my latinized English?), I guess you would've liked me to start saying that I will miss the urban mightiness of the big apple. Well, I'll start by saying, I'll miss the five dollars a pint Ben and Jerry's from the deli downstairs. Every other place in the city sells'em for six dollars or more and I happened to rent upstairs from the only deli in the city - what do I say the city? In the whole country - that brings those crazy flavours for that prize. Now, each time I've told this to an American, they look at me like I have to give you more credit. Yes, there are other things, but this is not a small accomplishment. Did you know Pancho Villa used to cross the border, riding his horse all by himself, bandoliers crossed over the chest, at least one gun hanging at the belt, to stop by an American soda fountain and go into the place to buy... strawberry milkshake? Post-industrial foods are an art by themselves. Even though it is true, this is far from being mole, there's no shame.
Enough about sweet desserts. Wanna get into the deep shit? I'll miss how easy it is to hate you and how hard it is to love you. You filthy capital of the empire, epicenter of capitalism, lair of wall street, belly of the beast. You. You the one that ordered the landings on Grenada and the DR - just to name the one's with which I had a personal encounter - and you who imbued breath on the death corpse of a Condor that overflew the Andes ravaging it's own for so long, for way too long. But then also you, where some of my dearest friends found love, you who, by the art of the anonymity of the masses and your story of not complying to the power, allow for freedoms unseen where I come from. And, mostly, you who have nothing to do with the so goddamned wall street. ¡You at the margins of you! You that lived through the broken windows, you and your habit of opening hydrants when summer wants your kids to dance on the street. You, feeding both Guatemalans and Bangladeshis, one next door to each other. You, speaking more tongues in one square mile than the rest of the country. You, dancing on the top of Sunset Park while saluting Mictlampa, Tlahuiztlampa, Huitztlampa and Cihuatlampa and then rushing to your job to bake some Rosca de Reyes for seis de enero. I guess misunderstanding comes so easily and hope shines for the one who endures through distrust.
I'll miss tap beer, specially Guiness. The 24/7 subway. Damn! That's one of the nicest things you've got, public transportation that serves all of the city, that is true democracy (and keep your first world complaints, you don't even imagine what it is to ride a combi in la sierra). I'll miss the parks, I'll miss the public libraries (another one you just nailed - and now by you, I mean you, Brooklyn), I'll miss the rivers and the parks by the rivers. I'll miss standing at the Brooklyn Bridge at night and counting up to seventeen planes crossing the sky (first and last reference to any of your many overphotographed landmarks).
But now listen to this, 'cause this may be what I'll be missing the most. For the last three years I could go and sit at Teachers College's cafeteria, anytime, any day, and sooner or later a friend would walk by. We would sit and talk and more friends would keep coming until we were a group of eight who didn't even previously agree to meet, who bumped into each other and refused to pretend we were too busy for a chat, who could later go have Jordanian food, bring a platter of East African fish and rice or just sit there and be friends for the sake of it. Ginsberg. Before I came here, when I started doing some research on who you were, I came across Ginsberg. And when I finally started finding the pleasures you hide so delightfully, I realized that just like him I wanted
And I found them. Like my people within your borders, you stood and delivered. I found friends whose smiles and tears and endless conversation I will see and hear until I become the ground underneath a nopal. And that, to me, is the only New York that matters.
Enough about sweet desserts. Wanna get into the deep shit? I'll miss how easy it is to hate you and how hard it is to love you. You filthy capital of the empire, epicenter of capitalism, lair of wall street, belly of the beast. You. You the one that ordered the landings on Grenada and the DR - just to name the one's with which I had a personal encounter - and you who imbued breath on the death corpse of a Condor that overflew the Andes ravaging it's own for so long, for way too long. But then also you, where some of my dearest friends found love, you who, by the art of the anonymity of the masses and your story of not complying to the power, allow for freedoms unseen where I come from. And, mostly, you who have nothing to do with the so goddamned wall street. ¡You at the margins of you! You that lived through the broken windows, you and your habit of opening hydrants when summer wants your kids to dance on the street. You, feeding both Guatemalans and Bangladeshis, one next door to each other. You, speaking more tongues in one square mile than the rest of the country. You, dancing on the top of Sunset Park while saluting Mictlampa, Tlahuiztlampa, Huitztlampa and Cihuatlampa and then rushing to your job to bake some Rosca de Reyes for seis de enero. I guess misunderstanding comes so easily and hope shines for the one who endures through distrust.
I'll miss tap beer, specially Guiness. The 24/7 subway. Damn! That's one of the nicest things you've got, public transportation that serves all of the city, that is true democracy (and keep your first world complaints, you don't even imagine what it is to ride a combi in la sierra). I'll miss the parks, I'll miss the public libraries (another one you just nailed - and now by you, I mean you, Brooklyn), I'll miss the rivers and the parks by the rivers. I'll miss standing at the Brooklyn Bridge at night and counting up to seventeen planes crossing the sky (first and last reference to any of your many overphotographed landmarks).
But now listen to this, 'cause this may be what I'll be missing the most. For the last three years I could go and sit at Teachers College's cafeteria, anytime, any day, and sooner or later a friend would walk by. We would sit and talk and more friends would keep coming until we were a group of eight who didn't even previously agree to meet, who bumped into each other and refused to pretend we were too busy for a chat, who could later go have Jordanian food, bring a platter of East African fish and rice or just sit there and be friends for the sake of it. Ginsberg. Before I came here, when I started doing some research on who you were, I came across Ginsberg. And when I finally started finding the pleasures you hide so delightfully, I realized that just like him I wanted
a lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping down the stoops off fire escapes off windowsills off Empire State out of the moon,
yacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts and memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks and shocks of hospitals and jails and wars,
whole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days and nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the Synagogue cast on the pavement,
who talked continuously seventy hours from park to pad to bar to Bellevue to museum to the Brooklyn Bridge,
lunes, 8 de julio de 2019
Carta de un mexicano a Bed-Stuy
Aquí estamos, Bed-Stuy, tú eres Brooklyn y yo un puntito en el cruce de
las calles Madison con Marcus Garvey. Como siempre desde que llegué
aquí. Aquí estamos, Bed-Stuy, tú te vas a quedar, porque eres una de las
definiciones de este lugar. Y yo, me voy. Ya en unos meses vuelvo a la
Ciudad de los Palacios, a la gran Tenochtitlan, a Chilangolandia y,
también, al pueblo que me vio crecer, a mi pequeña Tollan Cholula, Meca
de Mesoamérica.
(...)
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(...)
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